If you want to know what’s really in your heart, spend month after month with a baby who is a terrible sleeper and a toddler who is, well, a toddler. If you can handle that with ease then you are my hero and I want to know your secret. Please, share.
For me, this season of life has been anything but easy. You may have noticed my blog sabbatical. Sorry, but I just was not coping well and blogging was not a high priority. Survival was my only goal everyday. Some days that is still my only goal.
Even though this season is slowly passing, thankfully, it has not been without a lot of struggle. I had so much anger and frustration pent up. Much of it was about things I couldn’t control, and the rest I couldn’t explain. Instead of sharing my burdens, I just hoped I could deal with it on my own and it would go away, but that wasn’t the case. I was so impatient with my kids and husband — more than normal — like a time bomb and everything became a spark to light it.
I specifically remember one weekend afternoon when my husband was out on the patio getting the grill ready and my youngest little guy had just settled into his chair for a hard-fought-for nap. He had been very irritable for a few days and my nerves were raw. I can’t remember the exact scenario of what was going on with my 2 year old, Maddie, but she was quiet. After a few minutes of sweet relief, out of nowhere, Maddie just screamed at the top of her lungs and of course, Asher woke up screaming. So there I was in the living room, with a toddler who just woke up my baby who hates sleep and was screaming. I screamed back at him in frustration (like I said, not my finest moment). I will never forget the look on his face. He was scared of me. And at that moment, I was scared of me too. Something had to give. Continue reading “Motherhood: Bringing Out the Worst in Me”