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Motherhood: Bringing Out the Worst in Me

Motherhood_Motherhood brings out the worst in me. It’s not like I thought I was perfect, but I guess I did think, with this being my second child, I had improved in some areas. I was wrong.

If you want to know what’s really in your heart, spend month after month with a baby who is a terrible sleeper and a toddler who is, well, a toddler. If you can handle that with ease then you are my hero and I want to know your secret. Please, share.

For me, this season of life has been anything but easy. You may have noticed my blog sabbatical. Sorry, but I just was not coping well and blogging was not a high priority. Survival was my only goal everyday. Some days that is still my only goal.

Even though this season is slowly passing, thankfully, it has not been without a lot of struggle. I had so much anger and frustration pent up. Much of it was about things I couldn’t control, and the rest I couldn’t explain.  Instead of sharing my burdens, I just hoped I could deal with it on my own and it would go away, but that wasn’t the case.  I was so impatient with my kids and husband — more than normal — like a time bomb and everything became a spark to light it.

I specifically remember one weekend afternoon when my  husband was out on the patio getting the grill ready and my youngest little guy had just settled into his chair for a hard-fought-for nap. He had been very irritable for a few days and my nerves were raw. I can’t remember the exact scenario of what was going on with my 2 year old, Maddie, but she was quiet. After a few minutes of sweet relief, out of nowhere, Maddie just screamed at the top of her lungs and of course, Asher woke up screaming. So there I was in the living room, with a toddler who just woke up my baby who hates sleep and was screaming. I screamed  back at him in frustration (like I said, not my finest moment). I will never forget the look on his face. He was scared of me. And at that moment, I was scared of me too. Something had to give. Read more

Life with a Newborn: A Season of Hope

A Season of HopeWhat does Easter and the second coming of Christ have to do with my trials as a mom of two? One word. Hope.

As I was awake early this morning waiting for my youngest to fully wake up and eat, I was thinking about Easter and the hope it offers us. I was dwelling on how blessed we are to have the hope of eternity with God because of the work Jesus did on the cross. We can bear so many things in this life when we cling to that hope, when we “set our minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Colossians 3:2 (NIV)

So that got me thinking about how different it is with your second child, as opposed to the first. With the first, I had some extra challenges for sure, but we had nothing to compare it to. The first few months were so draining and they seemed to last forever. Even as time wore on, it was so much harder than I had imagined it would be. I was tired and worn out and bored and just drained so much of the time. It seemed like it would never end. Read more

Life with a Newborn: What Time for Yourself Looks Like

timeforyourselfPeople love to give advice, especially when it comes to being a parent. And I get it, I really do, because I found myself wanting to do the same thing for my pregnant friends after I had my first baby. “Let me tell you…” But one piece of advice I have heard so much and find impossible to practically implement is to “take time for you.”

Hmmm…

Now, I will say this is slightly easier with only one child, but only slightly. I will also say this is easier if you are not breastfeeding, as your baby doesn’t need you exclusively as often. But given those two caveats, what mom of a newborn really has time for herself? Read more

Life with a Newborn: Breastfeeding is an Act of Love

Life with a Newborn_-2Two things I never thought I would have been doing while breastfeeding are: going to the bathroom and throwing up. Not my finest moments, and though I wish neither had been a reality, somehow those moments seem to perfectly capture the messy reality of motherhood: loving when it’s really hard, when it hurts, when it takes all you’ve got and then some. Breastfeeding truly is an act of love! Read more

Life with a Newborn: Why a C-Section was Right for me

csection1My first pregnancy left my pelvic bone structure in rough shape and my second, shortly after, only exacerbated the issue. I had been seeing a chiropractor throughout the third trimester, unsure of how I would be feeling come time for delivery. The closer it got, the conversations with my doctors turned more towards my options for delivery.  Given my history, they recommended a c-section.

I was not opposed, but definitely wanted to know what my options were and get as much info from others as I could. You can read more about that thought process in my post: Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction and the Natural Birth Dilemma. I so appreciate all the advice and comments I received in regards to that post! All the real life examples helped me to make up my mind. That, and alot of prayer.

Eventually, we decided on a c-section. Read more

Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction and the Natural Birth Dilemma

I need some advice from all you moms out there or those in the medical profession that may have some inside info. I have a month to decide if I am going to try for a vaginal birth or an elected c-section.

As some of you may remember, I had a rather rough recovery from my first labor. I don’t know that I was ever officially diagnosed, but I had pubic symphysis separation. This is when the pubic bones separate more than they should. I think there were a few contributing factors, none of which I was aware of at the time. I am now positive I was having some pubic symphysis discomfort during my pregnancy, but being my first, I had no idea this was not normal. Secondly, giving birth the standard way, on your back, feet in stirrups, exacerbates the pelvic spreading. Then of course, I had an epidural, which prevented me from realizing my body was probably in a position that was not good for it. Lastly, she came quickly, which was great for me, but probably put more strain on my body as well.

All that being said, my recovery was hard. It was hard on me, since I couldn’t walk unassisted for weeks. It was hard on my husband, who had to continually bring me our daughter since I couldn’t carry her and move on my feet at the same time. It was hard on my family, who helped out so much with caring for us all. The beginning was hard! Read more

What My Baby and Our Garage Door Taught Me About Frustration

garagedoorOur garage door needs some TLC. It’s actually the motor I think. When the weather is below freezing and stays that way a while the door has trouble opening all the way. Sometimes if you open and close it several times you can get it to go up enough to get the car out. We have a small car, thankfully. And we’ve about got it figured out how low the door can be so we can still get the car out.

Sunday, before church, the door would just not cooperate. It would not go high enough to get out. After like 7 tries up and down with no success I was getting frustrated. We finally were able to locate the emergency release and manually opened the door so we could pull the car out.

As the car warmed up I waited for my husband to lock the door and close it back so we could be on our way to church. We were going to be late. I hate being late. I was mad at the situation. I was getting frustrated that it was taking so long to re-lock the garage door. John came back to the car and I thought he should do something one way while he was thinking of another way. (They were both right, but I was too frustrated to see that in the moment.) I got mad and yelled at him. Read more

Sleep Training – Part 2

crib2I mentioned last week about how well our sleep training had gone, and how thankful I was to have a scheduled bed time. This is still the case. However, the sleeping through the night only lasted that one week. Now she is back to waking every 3 to 4 hours, so I am back to being exhausted again. I had a book recommended to me, so I may check it out from the library and let you know how it goes.

As far as nap training goes it’s a mixed bag. She has been taking afternoon naps in her crib, but they have been very short – way too short. And her morning naps have still been with me. So I think I’m still going to have to do some adjusting. The good news is that she has been learning to put herself to sleep in her crib and not cry so that is a plus. We’ll get there. Eventually.

Sleep Training Worked for Us

crib3I wasn’t sure what to do about her sleep problems. She used to sleep so well. From about 2 to 3 months Maddie slept through the night. I thought I was going to be one of the lucky ones who had a good night sleeper. And then…. Around 6 months it was like a flip switched and suddenly my good sleeper turned into a nightmare. She would go to bed at different times every night, sometimes keeping us up until almost midnight. She would wake often, about 2 to 3 times a night to feed. Part of the problem was teething, part of the problem was a cold she had, and part of the problem was us. At this point I was still feeding her to sleep most nights, but as time wore on she would often wake after feeding and then not want to go to bed. Read more